I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving.
We had a very quiet and nice family day.

The Madonna concert was good. Not great. She started 2 1/2 hours late. No opening act except some awful D.J. for an hour.
Then nothing for an hour and a half. When I say that everyone was pissed. Thats an understatement. No explanation, nothing and not even a Happy Thanksgiving. She called us fuckers all night long. I will say she looks incredible, can sing with the best of them and she plays guitar. Which is something I didn't know. And she played a lot. The show was entertaining. I am just glad that I didn't pay for those overpriced tickets. And to make it worse, traffic was horrific. It took us an hour to just get out of the venue parking lot. My daughter was very happy I had her go pee before we left for the parking lot. I finally got to bed at 2 am. Way past my bed time.

Yesterday it was back to my life as usual. Up early, a good work out at the gym. Then off to a gorgeous day at the beach. I had dinner of left overs with my daughter, then off on my bike to listen to some music up in Fort Lauderdale. Just a nice day all around.

Today I am off riding all day. My girlfriend Nancy is allowed visitors today from 1 to 5. I will be riding up to see her and spend the afternoon with her. She has no idea I will be showing up. My friend Henry is playing golf with some corporate types. He's a financial planner. So he does a lot of golfing with the corporate types. His favorite weekend activity besides riding his motorcycle. But he has gotten the ok to speak at the rehab center she is at. He will probably see her next weekend.

I hope all is well in your world. Mine is good.

Have an awesome weekend.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE.

I will be having a quiet day at home with my family. Just me and the kids.

Tonight my daughter and I are going to the Madonna concert. A friend gave me some tickets. Not bad, club level seats. I hear parking is going to cost us $30. Holy smokes. But hey, we get to see Madonna for free almost. I really miss the day when parking was free. I don't know about where you live. But down here it has gotten really out of hand and expensive.

I hear the weather is going to be gorgeous here for a few days. I plan on some beach time and bike time.

Have an awesome day.

This is a picture of my best friend Nancy and I taken a year ago.

Nancy is a chronic alcoholic.. Tomorrow she will enter rehab again and try to stay sober. My friend Henry and I found her a place close to us so we can monitor the situation. She flew into Jacksonville on Thursday from DC (lives there) to her parents house. They will be driving her down tomorrow. Henry and I did volunteer to pick her up at the airport and drive her to rehab. Henry will celebrate his 13th anniversary on 12/18 of sobriety. For him it's a daily struggle not to self medicate. I do get it. But he has his life back. Is very successful and has no desire to loose it now.

This is something she has been talking about for months. So we found her a place. She was trying to convince everyone she needed to go to Aruba. It sounded more like a vacation to us. So we found her a place close to the beach, but half the price and not a vacation resort.

Now Nancy is a tough one. I think the longest she has stayed sober is 9 months. After the last rehab years ago. She has lost her husband, her friends, her business. Nothing seems to matter to her but getting drunk to a comatose level. Vodka in her morning tea. Wine all day. Her husband took her car away. Had to so she wouldn't kill anyone.

To say that I am tough on her when she calls is an understatement. I just don't get it.

I sobered up 3 years ago so I could get my life back. I have it back in full force an I love being sober. I really think she is afraid to start living again. She hibernated in her town house in the DC suburbs and does NOTHING. She watches tv all day. Even when she has detoxed herself and is sober for a few days. She's 48. She has totally lost her 40's to being a drunk. I look back at my 40's as an adventure. Even though I was totally dependent on Xanex and drank like a fish. I still lived a life, worked, etc. When it got really bad was after I stopped working. It only took a few months to see I really needed help and start getting my life back on track. And a ton of support and no mincing of words from those who loved me. But I had to do it for me. And it sucked and was not easy. And I have no desire to ever go back into that hell. Or go thru detox again. I feel like I finally have my brain back after years of Dr's saying I needed medication for anxiety and depression. And it's taken 3 years to have my brain function properly. The long lasting side affects of the Xanex, and anti depression meds are incredible. I came off the drugs with no Dr and never asked them if I could. I took control myself. And continue to stay in control. No excuses.

So please keep Nancy in your prayers. I really hope she finally makes some progress. But she is stubborn. She continues to fight anyone who voices an opinion. Maybe if she channeled all that will into being sober she just may make it this time. What do they say, "let go and let God".

Henry and I will be going up to see her when they let us. Henry will arrange to speak up there while she is there as a favor to me. But she has to want it bad enough to succeed. We can only wish her well.

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Saturday night I went to see Manheim Steamroller with my kids. Spectacular.. What a way to kick off the holiday season.

Sunday night I went on a double date with one of my boyfriends and my daughter and her boyfriend. He just shakes his head at my choice in men. (my 2 sweeties couldn't be more different) We saw Cirque De Solei in a big tent in Miami. Wow. Then we went out and had a really nice Italian dinner at a very quant and little Italian restaurant in South Beach.

Yesterday was spent at the gym followed by a photo trip to a squatters camp on Key Biscayne in Miami. With my other sweetie. He and I go on these photo shoots all the time. Always fun.

So these pictures are from yesterday.

The guy is a squatter there for the last 20 years. He thought I was doing some big shots for someone. I played along with it. We sure met some interesting people yesterday. I got some great shots. My sweetie got some great shots. We had a really nice and fun day for sure.

Today I am off to school to keep my dealing skills in top form.

Have an awesome day everyone.

YIPPEE YAHOOEE !!!!!!!!!

I FINALLY GRADUATED FROM DEALER SCHOOL ON MONDAY NIGHT.

UNBELIEVABLE.

I will continue to go to classes until the casinos start hiring in the next month or so to stay fresh and on top of my dealing.
I really do want to get a job. All the casinos down here will be going 24 hours in the next few months so they are going to need major help. So the final window of a large opportunity for a dealer job in Florida is approaching and I plan on walking in the door. Wish me luck.


Have an awesome day!

I have had a good week.

I got rid of some of my stress factors.

It's amazing what you can do to improve your mental state by figuring out what is bothering you and doing something about it.
I figured out what was bothering me and improved my mood. I am so much less stressed and happier,.

I started working out with a friend of mine at the gym, then he added a few more girls / woman to the mix, Almost immediately I started to try and get away from the group. I like to work out alone and keep it moving. Not standing around talking and waiting for everyone to go so I can do another rep. I just don't have the patience to wait. I don't want to wait. Well the others had a problem with my attitude. I had a problem with so many people working out near me and affecting me while I tried to workout. So my attitude started to really suck. And I was the only one working out 5 days a week. The fact that I do my abs at home didn't help. So they kept bitching to my friend that I was a bitch, not friendly, not supportive, arrogant, etc. But of course they didn't say this to my face. I found out all they said when I talked to my friend. I called him to quit the group. Almost instantly my sanity returned, my mood improved. I saw my friend on Tuesday morning and he couldn't believe how much better and less stressed I was. Hopefully his workouts with the harem will be less stressful also. But I doubt it. Anytime you get that many different personalities in a group, it won't work.

I am doing doubles at school to finish up. Hopefully this week. Lets keep the fingers crossed on that one.

I have also gotten back on my bike after letting my thumb heal after hyper extending it. And the weather has improved enough for me to get back on the beach on my days off. I needed sunshine.

So all in all I had a great week. I hope you did also.

I spent Friday at the Animal Kingdom with some photography friends learning my camera. The animals were having a good day. I have a good friend who always tells me like it is, whether I want to hear it or not. So the prairie dogs is a picture for Tom. Since he always has my back even when I don't deserve it sometimes.

The ape in the forest is my idea of bliss. A beautiful secluded area. The ape has the right idea.

I hope everyone is having an awesome weekend. I am going out on my bike, my sweetie is taking me for a ride. I hurt my hand, so he is nice enough to take me out to get the wind in my face.

Stop the rain already!!!!!!

This is NOT supposed to be our rainy time of year.

Our forecast for this weekend and into next week is nothing but rain. AGAIN!!!!

My bike is still under cover since Wednesday. It doesn't look like it will be out anytime soon.
They say on Tuesday that a cold front will move in and it will be 60 degrees when we wake up.
That is freezing for sure. But the silver lining is my electric bill will finally go down.

I went out to a Los Lonely Boys concert last night. Interesting, small venue, smoky ;-{.
The classify themselves as a Texican rock and roll band. Great guitar work ,drummers were awesome , nice vocals when they did sing, basically they just jammed thru and hour and a half. I'm glad I didn't pay for it. My friend Henry did. He was there with a good female friend of his, and called me and asked me to join him. We would both have preferred a country concert for sure.

I have had nothing but bad health news for my friends that have cancer. Neither one are doing well. My friend Walter with Leukemia is just having a really tough time on his second round of chemo. They couldn't kill him the first time, so they are trying it again. High fever again, they can't find the source, blood count won't come up. Etc, etc, etc. My friend Judy that I went to Mexico with in March is still in the hospital out in Chicago. They just put her on chemo to see if they can get the cancer that is in her spinal fluid, etc. Now Judy was in stage 4 bone cancer for the last few years. I just think her body is finally giving up from all the cancer. Her outlook is just not good either.

Then my best friend from DC called whining that her separated husband (2 yrs) took a woman to church with him. I say it's about time for him. He is such a nice guy and deserves to find some relief. She is a chronic alcoholic who refuses to sober up, stay sober or start living some kind of life. So I lit into her for being a total selfish drunk who can do something about her life, she is not terminal or have cancer, she just flat out refuses to get better. So I let her have it. She told me last night to get off her back. I just don't want to hear her excuses anymore. I love her and she and I have been friends for 35 years. But come on.

Now my really good friend Kevin is having serious health issues again. They just found several masses on his kidneys. So you can see why I just can't stand my girlfriends whining. I just don't get it.

I need sunshine so I can function thru all this sad news.

The weekend plans are fun though. A bridal / engagement party for one of my sons best friends and tomorrow we are having a meet the baby party for one of my daughters best friends who lives in Colorado. She is in with her newborn and 2 year old.
So life does go on. And in a good way.

I am still an optimistic person. I love life and love living my life. I surround my self with positive and sober people. Sober is very important to me.

And such is my life this week. School was tough but good. I made progress. I need to make more progress so I can get a job hopefully next month. The gym was challenging because I wasn't feeling 100%. I hurt my shoulder. But all in all it could have been worse.

Have an awesome weekend.

YIPPEE YAHOOEE!!!!!!!

IT'S GOING TO BE SUNNY AND NICE ALL WEEKEND.

NO RAIN FINALLY!!! I do believe our draught is finally over.

I spent the day at the gym and the beach. The water was murky for us.
But 85, nice breeze and quiet. My kind of beach day. My sweetie joined me for a few hours.
Peaceful. We try and turn our phones off. Down time.

Tomorrow I will go for a ride early. It is cool in the mornings now so I have broken out my full face helmet.
I love this time of year. I cocoon my head with my earphones in and enjoy the ride with my face protected.
I even have a dark visor on with sun glasses. Nice. And my face doesn't get dirty. Now that's really nice.

This week I missed school twice. Monday for the dentist. Thursday for my hair appointment. By the time I finished with my hair appointment it was 2 pm. Paula really takes her time. And her next appointment had cancelled.

Lunch on the beach in Fort Lauderdale then home.

Tonight is a quiet night at home doing laundry and reading. Just me and the dogs.

Sunday will be spent back on the beach. I really like getting vitamin D the old fashion way.

Have a fun weekend.

HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY TO ME.

I was born on September 4th, 1958.

I hear it was not a fun pregnancy for my Mom. And I guess I was a huge pain growing up. But I think I turned out pretty well. I think she just didn't know what to do with a normal ADHD kid with a learning disability. I was outgoing, always smiling, loved being outside and going all the time. And I wasn't bad looking. But my Mom didn't exactly like me. Thank God for my Grams. I think she kind of caught on really quickly, we lived next door and she always kidnapped me. I was the 3rd child in 3 1/2 years. So Mom had her hands full. She had 3 more after me. My parents split when I was in the 3rd grade and the baby of the family was only 1. I lost my Mom in 1990. And my Grams last month. So I was raised primarily by my Grandparent. Both sets. We lived with my Moms parents after my parents split. But my Grams continued to kidnap me.

So in honor of my 50th birthday I am going to be good to myself tomorrow. I am going to get up like usual and take my dogs for a walk. Go to the gym and tone and firm and bleed off some energy. ( I am just an adult now with ADHD and a learning disability.) Then I am taking the day off from school and going to the beach and get naked like usual.. I go to a nude beach so I have no tan lines. I am a naturalist. I will more than likely go alone, but thats ok. It's pretty quiet up there during the week and the lifeguards are right there. My sweeties are both working. Oh well. Then home for a shower and off to dinner with my kids. And that is how I will spend my birthday. No big parties, no boyfriends, and nothing out of the ordinary.

My "wusband " has also decided that in honor of my 50th birthday he will now need a divorce and cut me off financially until he makes me bankrupt. Lets just say that he chose this week to demand all kinds of things, be nasty and non ending harassment to let me know that he finally wants out. I knew he was too nice at our sons party.. There is always and will always be him pulling the rug out from under me. Never ever wonder why I left him 6 years ago. The abuse was non ending. He was just taking a breather. Oh and it must be my birthday. I just roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders.

Now the good news is I am finally getting ready to take my final at school, pass my auditions so I can graduate and be ready for the auditions that should be happening the end of the month or early October.

Sounds like the perfect timing for someone to act up and kill my concentration. And this guy wants out peacefully. He just never learns. The best way not to get what you want from me is to piss me off. I will dig my feet in and hold true to what I believe in and not budge. With a smile on my face of course. I will NOT sink to this mans level ever. I will not get nasty. I still have hopes of sitting at our children's weddings, family gatherings, etc without daggers being thrown. I know it's a lot to ask. But I do want a peaceful ending to a nasty 30 year marriage. I was smart enough to bail at 24 for good. It was just to dangerous to stay anymore.

So Happy 50th birthday to me. I hope the day goes as planned. That the ex takes a day off from the nastiness that came out of nowhere yesterday and hasn't stopped since via text, and email. I do believe I need a beach day. Thank God the hurricane is not coming our way so I can have a beach day. Wish me luck.

And thanks for letting me vent a little . I have had a total bitch of a few days.

HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND!

Here is the sunrise from last Saturday. I thought it was a hazy morning, but I guess I got the shots.

What are your plans this weekend?

Today we celebrated my oldest sons 30th birthday. He wanted a beach BBQ.
We had a blast. A very nice and peaceful day was had by all on the beach. My wusband even came down for the weekend.
And the rain even stayed away for a change. Now that was a miracle for sure.

I'm still not sure how I can have a 30 year old child when I am only 35 myself. ;-}
I hope everyone else has had a nice as day as I did. I started it off with a ride to the beach to take pictures of the sunrise. I really wished I lived closer to the beach. But 15 minutes isn't bad.

Tropical Storm Fay has left the area.

We've had a few wet and windy days down here for sure. It's still really windy with a few rain bands floating in and out. But all is good. No flooding in my neighborhood, no damage to my cars or my body due to this storm. So all is good.

It always amazes me that the news over reacts to a possible storm. I know we need to be prepared, etc. But do they really have to stir up mass hysteria. Several of my neighbors put up their hurricane shutters. Are you kidding me. The wind only made it to 40 mph. I don't think we even got that high. The cover didn't even blow off my bike.

School was cancelled for 2 days. So all these kids down here got a longer summer vacation. Now I don't blame them for that. Safety first and it did start to get ugly yesterday afternoon. This morning was really ugly until around 11. My school closed today too. Better safe than sorry.

My friend Walter checked himself out of the hospital last night. He's had enough for awhile and needed to sleep in his own bed for the first time in 2 months. He's now recovering from open heart surgery. The chemo and the port they used to give it to him destroyed his heart valve. His surgery was last week. He's very cranky and mad at the world. His oldest daughter leaves for college tomorrow and he can't take her as planned. She's a nervous wreck.

His daughter called me last night at 10 o'clock needing my help. They needed help moving a recliner into his house so he could sleep and no one was strong enough to help. So she scared up a truck, I made a phone call for a few 20 something boys and we were there within 30 minutes. The boys enjoyed the adventure and like helping out a friend of the family. We pulled it off in between down pours in the middle of a storm. Walter got some sleep last night. His daughter knew he needed to sleep in a reclining type position. She wanted her dad comfy. We made it happen. She's a strong willed kid for sure. I had told her if she needed anything at all to call me and I would get it done.

Walter texted me this morning to say thank you. No thanks needed in my book. He's one of my best friends. He would do it for any one of us.

I hope all is well in your little corner of the world.

IN LOVING MEMORY

ELLA B. SCHULTZ

93 YEARS OLD

WHAT AN ADVENTURE SHE HAD

SHE WILL BE SO MISSED

I LOVE YOU GRAMS

My Grams last summer sitting with my puppy. Grams loved her visit with Shiloh. Now last summer having Shiloh caused a huge ruckus at my Uncles house. But my Grams and I made the best of it and enjoyed our time together. It's hard to believe she was so good last summer.


What a huge difference a year makes in the elderly. Grams looks really good in this picture with my younger sister and her daughter Sam. The picture was taken last month. The latest news is Grams sleeps most of the time now. Has no movement on her left side, can't hear or speak anymore. They think she has had several mini strokes. So the brain tumor is growing. She is cared for 24 hours a day at home. From what my uncles girlfriend says, they are keeping her at home until we loose her. I only hope she goes quickly and has no pain. My Uncle is adamant on keeping her at home. He is still going back and forth to New Jersey every week for work. I hear my father has been coming over and sitting with her. Better late than never I say. Too bad she doesn't realize he is around. Or maybe she does. I just don't know. Getting information is tough and I just don't know what to believe.

I do know I won't be going up to see her anymore. By the time I have a week to go, she more than likely will not be with us or know i am even there. I can't put myself thru that unless I get a call and they need my help.

I gave back to my Grams 3 years ago with our awesome trip across the country. While she still had her health and could enjoy the trip of a life time. And my monthly dinner runs while I worked for the airlines. I did tend to spoil her rotten. My pleasure.

I hope all is well in your corner of the world. I spent the day on the beach until the thunderstorms ran me off around 3:30. Thats is how I unwind and keep sane.

I played hooky today from school and the gym. It seems I have been really cranky and my sweetie thought I needed a down day.
I was already skipping the gym by roller blading on the beach this morning for cardio. ( i pulled a muscle in my arm and my legs are really tight) Then my phone rang at 8:45 am wanting to know if I wanted to play hooky and get a massage first followed by the beach. Count me in. Please don't ask twice. Now he did want me to skip the roller blading part which I didn't do. I had just gotten to the beach and I needed to unwind.

Now my crankiness came from all over. First was hormones, (I am almost 50). My health issues from the last 2 weeks, (thank god it went my way), My Grams being so sick. She's fading fast and now has 24 hour care. I am so glad I saw her when I did.
And worrying over my friend Walter. Who is having a really tough time. It seems he now has severe heart issues due to the port they put in him for chemo. It got infected, they didn't know and it destroyed one of his heart valves. Are we having fun yet?

So between all that and trying to finish school, I was running on empty. And no beach time in almost 2 weeks took it's toll. Thank God my sweetie knows how to get me to unwind. We had a really nice day and I feel refreshed. I could deal with a few days a week like this one.

Another friend from school has had a really crappy week. He wants to go to the beach tomorrow. I said yes. Nice guy.
I just hope tomorrow is as nice as today.

THE NEWS WAS IN MY FAVOR TODAY. SO MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

Talk about nerve racking for sure. I am thrilled that the news was good. No cancer this time.
The nurse I talked to told me it was benign and then I said Thank God. Then asked her who could take this titanium
chip out they put in. She said call a surgeon. Guess what. No one will do it. It's too small and no one will touch it.
Evidently it's the size of a pin head. I guess she didn't think I was happy with the news. I told not the case. I just wanted to know if anyone could take it out. I was already moving on in my mind. NEXT!!

So now my kids and I just had dinner. The waitress was a riot. Just a happy time out celebrating the good news. Now they are going to start planning my 50th birthday party in September. I am going to have it a day after my birthday so no one has to go to work the next day. My birthday is on a Thursday. And my friend Walter should be out of the hospital by then . He's improving but having a really tough time of it. But his white blood count is up. Which is good.

I hope everyone else had as good as day as I did. I even got my hair done today. I took a down day. I guess my nerves were starting to get to me. Time to get back to normal and stop worrying.

Some days it really hurts to be a woman.

Last Thursday I had my yearly mammograms. They found something they didn't like. So today I had the pleasure of having a needle biopsy. OUCH!!! My boob hurts like a b&^ch. And that is putting it mildly. The spot they didn't like is behind my nipple. So in they went after much numbing. The Dr did get most of it out. Thats the good news. They said I would be a little uncomfortable. They lied. This really hurts.
So now I rest, and wait for the results. In 3 to 5 days they will call. I'm glad they aren't in any hurry.

So keep me in your prayers.

And no beach for a week. Yikes.

Our trip to see my Grams was a good one and an interesting one.

I do not like anyone controlling my time schedule. Now I am a pretty laid back and easy going person. Just don't try and control me.

Our access to my Grams was very limited and access was denied unless we jumped thru my Uncles girlfriends hoops. She would lock us out. Unbelievable. I swear I am a competent adult with a brain. It seems she thinks unless she controls my Grams visitation schedule she will have to deal with my Grams if she has a tremor episode or my Grams will get tired and we won't let her rest. I'm serious.

My take on my Grams is this. She is very fragile, but sharp as a whip. No change there. Her hearing is a little worse. But she catches most of what your saying. And if she doesn't, it got pretty funny. We had a lobster dinner together after much prodding with the girlfriend. She didn't realize that I was very capable of eating with my Grams and making sure she ate. Please. Just feed her lobster. She will eat and eat well. This year I did need to split her lobster for her, cut it up. No big deal. She still feeds herself.

My little sister and her daughter joined me on my journey north. Hence my flying into New Jersey, renting a car there, and driving the 7 hour trip to the Cape. My sister brought my 13 year old niece with us much to my not wanting her along on the trip. She's a sweet girl, spoiled rotten, and a royal pain in the ass. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with her whining. She promised she wouldn't be a pain in the ass. I explained to her before we left that this trip was NOT about her and what she wants. My sister got a little pissed. I didn't care. My niece lived up to herself. I asked her to stop whining and please stop. Her answer was she thought we missed it. NOT. I really could have lived without her presence. I know my kids never acted like this on any trip. They just weren't allowed.

The real reason for my niece joining us is that for some reason her family just won't give her a break. My niece thru a fit and said she wouldn't stay at home with her brothers and Dad.

My Grams did enjoy seeing her and she did behave while we saw Grams. A total of 3 hours in 3 days. We got harassed by my uncles girlfriend into seeing my father. My sister hasn't seen him in 25 years, he had never met her daughter, etc. He did apologize to her for being absent from her entire life. He left when she was a baby. Saw her for a few months when she was 16 and took off again. He didn't want her to hate him or think bad of him. She told him flat out that she can't hate someone she has never known. As for thinking bad of him. She told him she doesn't think of him at all. She was very nice and polite to him as she was taught as a child. If she never sees him again. She's ok. I just took pictures and he barely asked how I was or acknowledged that I was there. He focused on my sister. Which is just fine with me. I like my sister just don't care. We were raised by my Mom and her parents. My fathers parents loved us and never stopped seeing us even after they moved to the Cape. Grams is his Mom.

As you can tell. I am happy to be home. A short trip north with lots of drama. I really dislike drama.

I hope everyone has a great day. Time for the gym to bleed off some stress.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY.

I hope everyone has had an awesome day so far. I started off on my favorite beach. What a gorgeous beach day for sure.

Then my phone rang. One of my younger sisters called to let me know my favorite person in the whole world has a malignant brain tumor. My Grams. She'll be 94 on October 1st. If she makes it that long. She's awesome. Has always been awesome.
I noticed the last few times I spoke to her she was having issues remembering what we were talking about. Now she can't hear even with her hearing aides. So I will take to sending her letters. She lives on Cape Cod with my Uncle in a huge house overlooking the Cape Cod Sound. It will be hard getting any updates from my Uncle or his girlfriend. They have a tendency to not answer any questions or be forthcoming with information. I am not looking forward to loosing my Grams at all. But she's had a great life.

I just have not had a very good week in the news department for sure.